DemDaily: A Little Humor

November 16, 2018

Every few months we like to do a humor roundup, as a reminder there are still reasons to laugh.

Stephen Colbert
The president's anger over his loss has reportedly seen him retreat into a cocoon of bitterness and resentment. "Trump is ending his larval stage and in a few weeks will emerge as a hideous race-baiting butterfly."

"He's also been trying to place the blame, unsure of who was the reason for the Republican loss. Really? Does he not own a mirror?"

On Tony Evers (D) victory over Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker:
"The most celebrated victory over a white Walker since Game of Thrones"

Jimmy Kimmel
"In Georgia, Stacey Abrams has yet to concede the race for governor. She's hoping for a runoff against Brian Kemp. Unfortunately for her, Brian Kemp also happens to be the Georgia secretary of state, which means he's in charge of overseeing his own election. That must be nice. 'After careful consideration, I rule in favor of me.'"

On Trump's executive order to end Birthright Citizenship and his comment that "It's ridiculous and it has to end:" "It's ridiculous and it has to end should be the slogan for his reelection campaign ... and by-the-way, if we are going to start deporting children because of who their parents are, then let's start with Donald, Jr., Eric, ..."

Jimmy Fallon
"I read that Trump's been in such a bad mood that his staffers are avoiding him. It gets awkward when they try to hide in the broom closet only to hear Melania say, [whispering] 'Get your own spot.'"

"Yesterday, Michigan, Missouri and Utah all legalized weed. When they heard that, Michigan and Missouri were like, 'Damn, Utah, I didn't know you partied like that.'"

In France, Trump canceled a visit to an American military cemetery there because of the rain. "It turns out, though, the whole thing was a big misunderstanding. When someone told Trump, 'It's Stormy outside,' he said, 'I already paid her. What more does she want?'"

Stephen Colbert
On Sessions' resignation: "Trump has made no secret of his feelings about Sessions. He's called Sessions a 'traitor,' a 'dumb Southerner,' 'Mr. Magoo' and perhaps most humiliating of all, 'member of my administration.'"

On the doctored press conference video released by White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, of CNN's Jim Acosta refusing to give up the mic: "The fact that the White House press secretary is promoting this doctored video is reprehensible, and grounds for dismissal. Or as they call it in the Trump administration, Thursday."

On the California wildfires: "At a time like this, it's hard to know the right thing to say. But for the wrong thing to say, let's check the president's Twitter feed."

"Donald Trump is a well-known stickler for fire safety, because with all the hair spray he's easily the most flammable president in U.S. history."

"Rumors have circulated that Trump wants to fire his chief of staff, John Kelly, who is choosing to 'hang in there and get humiliated day after day.' I think that's actually a White House motivational poster."

Trevor Noah
On the high turnover rate in the Trump administration and recent firing: "Honestly, I don't even know who this is. Mira Ricardel? Who is this person that they're firing? Like, they're running out of people we know to fire. This is like 'Walking Dead,' Season 6. 'Oh no, they killed - Derek?'"

On Trump's announcement on prison reform: "You see, that's good news. President Trump is supporting bipartisan criminal justice reform just in time for his entire administration to be indicted by Robert Mueller."

"I wonder if when Melania heard about the reduced sentences she was like, 'Does it mean I get out of marriage early now?'"

Seth Meyers
"Following the midterm elections, Republicans will hold leadership elections this Wednesday, and current House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy is expected to become House minority leader. It's tough to find someone to fill the job, because no one in the Republican Party wants to have the word 'minority' in their title."

On Trump's criticism that Congresswoman Maxine Waters, who is the incoming Chair of the House Judiciary Committee, has a low IQ: "Hell, she can subpoena the results of his IQ test."

On concerns Mueller has been quiet lately: "This guy is a marine. He's probably spent the last six months sneaking closer and closer. At this point he's probably in camouflage that matches the Oval Office drapes."

Have a good weekend!

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Sources: NewYorkTimes, The Guardian, TownHall, ThisWeek

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